Friends in Scrubs: How Nursing Builds (and Breaks) Bonds

Ever wonder why nursing friendships hit different? When you've held pressure on a bleeding wound together or laughed hysterically at 3 AM after your fifth admission, something profound happens between colleagues that non-healthcare friends simply cannot understand.

Christopher and Colby dive deep into the fascinating paradox of nursing relationships – how spending 12-hour shifts together can either forge unbreakable bonds or create uncomfortable tensions. They explore the complexity of maintaining boundaries when the person who knows your deepest secrets is also critiquing your charting, and the delicate balance required when friend dynamics shift to charge nurse hierarchies.

The hosts share personal experiences of nursing friendships gone wrong, including Christopher's admission that he once declared "I'm not here to make friends" (spoiler: it didn't stick), and Colby's heartbreak over a Christmas party with specially-made vegan treats that went uneaten. They explore why relationships with non-healthcare friends often struggle under the weight of misunderstood schedules and the inability to relate to nursing trauma.

Most powerfully, they reveal how true nursing friendships become lifelines in the chaos – these are the people who notice when you haven't taken a break, who understand without explanation why yesterday's code is still affecting you, and who know exactly when to step in and take the charge phone so you can finally eat something. As Colby puts it, "That's like love, you know? That really is love and caring."

Whether you're struggling with workplace relationships or cherishing your nursing tribe, this episode offers both validation and practical advice for navigating the unique social landscape of healthcare. Subscribe now to continue exploring the aspects of nursing school never prepared you for, and join our growing community of nurses who get it.

Chapters

• 0:46 Welcome to Nursing Life 101
• 1:38 When Nursing Hurts Friendships
• 10:54 Oversharing at the Nurse's Station
• 17:38 Scrub Hack: Remembering Names
• 33:11 Building Positive Nursing Friendships
• 42:38 How Colby and Christopher Became Friends

Transcript

Christopher: 0:00

Welcome to Nursing Lyfe 101, the most important nursing class you never got to take in nursing school. We will be traversing different objectives, like interviewing, what to do in nursing school, boundaries, burnout and so much more. If this interests you, I hope you are taking good notes because class is now in session. Hello, and welcome to Nursing Lyfe 101! We're so excited to have you here with us as we dive into the world of nursing, sharing our experiences, insights and a little bit of fun along the way. I'm Christopher and I couldn't be happier to introduce my co-host.

Colby: 0:59

Hey guys, it's Colby. Together, we'll be bringing you real stories, practical tips and discussions about all things nursing, whether you're a fellow nurse or just curious about the life behind scrubs. We're thrilled to have you join us.

Christopher: 1:09

Colby, I hate you. No, I was joking, I'm joking, I'm joking, I'm joking.

Christopher: 1:16

So, as you probably can tell, both Colby and I are pretty decent friends, decent you know I can say I hate her and she doesn't punch me in the face, which is good.

Colby: 1:28

No, I just almost cried,

Christopher: 1:30

but this episode is about friendships and how nursing can foster great friendships and then also how they can hurt some friendships. We want to start with the bad first, and then we'll get to the good part we We'll end on a positive. Yeah, it's always the good stuff. So working 12-hour shifts, how does that hurt a friendship?

Colby: 1:54

Well, I mean, as one can probably deduce, when you're spending so much time together, that can either be a positive or negative, and I think sometimes you find it turns out to be a negative.

Christopher: 2:08

Yeah, there's some. I literally and I say it to everybody, but I'm like that 30-minute lunch break. I don't want to see you. Please don't come to see me, I don't need to see you Take the lunch break. But also, like we're thinking specifically like nursing and the people that we work with, but it also hurts those that are not nurses. Has that happened to you? Like any of the people that are like outside of nursing been less friendly because you work so long?

Colby: 2:42

Yeah, I do. I do agree. I think it's really hard for people that don't work in our same environment that to understand where we're coming from. You know, I think, and that happens with.

Colby: 2:51

I mean, this is a podcast episode about friendships, but it also happens with families Like if you think like like I have friends who have families that are locally and they don't understand, like why after working a night shift you can't come that next day for an event. So like that same thing with friends, like, oh, you worked night shift, you're off today like why can't you be here, right?

Colby: 3:13

and it's like I'm trying to sleep like I, I, I can, I'm sorry and like sometimes people just don't get the culture around, around nursing. If it doesn't match with what they know and what they do, then it just it's hard for them to wrap their heads around yeah, they just don't get it yeah, so we tend to end up in close relationships with the people that we work with yeah because they understand our lifestyle

Christopher: 3:39

but then you have those people that are your like go-to people in nursing in your shift.

Christopher: 3:49

But even 12 hours with a person can be tumultuous

Colby: 3:53

yeah, it could be

Christopher: 3:55

um, and you like learn all these things about this person person and sometimes you and nurse A in the corner does not get along and that can. Really. You could be thinking one way and you could have been friends before, but then you tend to go out and get dinner or go out and go party and you start to hang out with them a lot more and then suddenly you're like, nah, this was not the friend I wanted and I know, I know I've done that

Colby: 4:38

awkward, that's okay.

Colby: 4:40

So that's what I'm saying. It's like a very awkward situation, so what do you do from there? How do you get out of that? Like, you work with this person, so you're going to see this person. You might be on a 12 hour shift with this person. It might be back to back shifts.

Christopher: 4:52

I moved units.

Colby: 4:53

Oh shoot. Well, if it's that bad, that's what you got to do.

Colby: 5:05

That's a good thing. I mean that's a, that's a hardship, but I mean if it was not going to work out, then it wasn't going to work out.

Christopher: 5:08

Well, it was one of those things where it's like you try, and then friendship was perceived in a different way and it just, you know, like it's just you have to. There's a whole balance and I did not balance it at all.

Colby: 5:20

Yeah, it's hard, I mean OK, so it's like a learning, it's a learning opportunity, right? Yeah, it's hard, I mean OK, so it's like a learning, it's a learning opportunity, right? Like sometimes you have to go through something in order to know, like, ok, that doesn't work for me, and then I need to learn how to manage a relationship, whether it's platonic or whatever. But you don't know until you go through it and then kind of get forced to deal with the situation. So you moved units, what that's an extreme.

Colby: 5:49

That was an extreme way to go about it.

Christopher: 5:53

And I'm thriving.

Colby: 5:54

And you are thriving. So it's like it wasn't. It was the right decision for you.

Christopher: 5:59

Right.

Colby: 6:00

I think for some other options. Some other options you can have is, I mean, we talk about this a lot but like unfortunately, like when, if you're not willing to move to another unit, you really like where you work and it's just this one person like crucial conversations is so necessary.

Christopher: 6:20

Yeah,

Colby: 6:20

because like you need you need to set a boundary. You need to, I mean, and as uncomfortable as it is if you're not going to change your unit. Yeah, that's also true. I will be nice to them at work and cordial or whatever, but like I'm going to avoid them outside of work, yeah

Christopher: 6:46

Well, and I mean unfortunately, even something as simple as I we had.

Christopher: 6:53

There was a group of us that started on the unit that we started that I started on and we all would hang out. You know, it was fun, we had a great time while we were working no-transcript, and so they went to a different specialty and you, just like you said, you don't see them as much.

Christopher: 7:33

You start to build friendships with other people and then that time is kind of taken up and then it's like

Colby: 7:39

yeah, it's kind of like in the same sentiment, that like people who don't work in health care or don't, you don't work with them and you're like your friendships outside of the hospital, like the culture is different, so they just don't understand and those friendships can sometimes weaken and you don't, you don't stay as connected with those people. It's the same way, like even in the hospitals, like oh, you're really tight with someone when you're working with them all the time and then they move to another unit and you just don't see them and them all the time and then they move to another unit and you just don't see them and like they have the same schedule issues that you have.

Colby: 8:05

And now, on top of that, you don't even work in the same unit, so you're just not seeing each other. Um, and it can be difficult. It's kind of sad, especially if you think you were really close with someone and all of a sudden you feel like maybe you're putting more effort in the other person is, or they feel this, you know, or vice versa yeah, and it's, it's.

Christopher: 8:25

I mean, roman was such a little puppy like I needed. I needed friends. I yeah and I was one, and there's a friend that would would tell you. I was like, I'm not here to make friends, and I was. It's true I wasn't, but once I got roman, I was like oh, I need help.

Christopher: 8:43

I need a little help. Yeah, um, and Roman was socialized so much because of it. Yeah, I mean, he, homeboy, went to a different state

Colby: 8:54

oh really

Christopher: 8:55

Multiple states away. You know, he was able to be socialized, he was able to get in a car and be fine. You know, there was things that I appreciated and this was the person I actually told that I wasn't here to make friends with and you know like she was really very, very helpful.

Christopher: 9:16

But now she's in a she's outpatient and like I don't see her as often we text but't see her.

Christopher: 9:21

as often we text, but it's like once every six months, you know and it's really sad because I don't have any ill will on her, but we just don't have the time for each other anymore.

Colby: 9:35

Yeah, yeah, and I think that's the reality of life. But I do think that we see it maybe I would say, like more frequently in health care and again it kind of comes down to like we work these long shifts so we get to know each other. Like it gets like it gets a little crazy at the nurse's station. Sometimes all of a sudden you're sharing all your past trauma and current trauma, like everyone's giggling and sorry, I don't have any trauma. We do overshare at the nurse's station and it does get like funny and you do get really close with people. But then and I wish I could remember where I was originally going with this but I will say this other avenue that I just went down while we're talking about, like the hardships of having such close friends Like at some point you might feel like you've overshared.

Christopher: 10:27

Yeah, there are definitely times where

Colby: 10:29

and then you're uncomfortable with what everybody knows about you yeah, you gotta have to have, you have like while they're your friends. You have to also remember like you are in your working environment and there needs to be some level of professionalism and just remember like there's a line at work and like there's some things you can discuss with those same people outside of those doors. Yeah, and there's some things that shouldn't be discussed, and everybody needs the reminder, sometimes including myself.

Christopher: 10:59

And there's that line and it's very hard because

Colby: 11:02

it's hard because they're the same people that you hang out with outside of work. It's blurry, it's not black and white, it's very gray

Christopher: 11:08

it is very gray and you might be doing a little extra outside of work.

Christopher: 11:13

That you will have to remember could be said at work because of you like drinking too much and you did something crazy and you know like

Colby: 11:24

it's all the realities of friendships that you have to like kind of just keep in the back of your head, like this doesn't stop with just your friendship. Like you also work with these people. So like let's, and like this is all this is just like general advice for anybody, but like if you're acting a fool out in public with a group of people, like that's questionable behavior.

Colby: 11:45

Whatever, let's say you drink too much, you get into an altercation with a friend right it doesn't end well, like okay, now you have the extra layer of seeing that person later in the week at work, like you just have to be. It's like life lessons 101. You have to be so careful with what you say, what you do with any relationship, but then also just be prepared, like if you're going to maintain like close friendships at work, that that's also another layer to it that you're going to have to address.

Christopher: 12:18

Right, yeah, and that's. And honestly, that was the reason why I was like I'm not here to make friends.

Colby: 12:26

I was like I think it's a really bold statement, but and and I I'm saying that as someone who has flexed in and out of that state of mind as well okay, I would say and we have mentioned it maybe in a few podcasts ago, when we talked about, like, how close you get with your coworkers briefly, I don't remember what episode that was, but like we were way too involved in each other's lives at one point, oh yeah, loved them dearly, but we it did come to a head like a group of a group of people. It wasn't like just myself involved, it was like a group of people that kind of like imploded just because we were just way too involved, knew too much about each other. It was like work home, work home, like just with these people all the time. And I I, when I left that job at that time it was very toxic, very not a good pattern going on, and I left at a good time, and when I did, that's when things imploded. But what ended up happening?

Colby: 13:44

Like some of those people left the job, I came back when and when I left, I was traveling.

Colby: 13:49

So I was just like, as a travel nurse, I feel like it's really easy to kind of just stay on the outskirts and like be very, like casual at work. But when I decided to come back to that job that I left, I was like I will maintain relationships with the people I was friends with before I came here, but I am not here to make friends. So I'm not trying to hang out with people after work, I'm not trying to get to know people, I'm just here to do my job and be really good at it and I think that's fine. I think that's fine for anybody if that's the type of mindset that they have and I think, honestly, it's pretty healthy. I think I think we get really easily trapped in the oh, it's more than work. They're my family and that's again because we spend so much time with everybody. But I do think that it can lead to toxic tendencies, like you giving more of your time to the hospital than you need to.

Colby: 14:44

Yeah, I think because you get in that mentality that you don't want to let your family down you know you don't want to let your friends down, you don't want to let your family down, and I think you know it blurs the boundary lines of what. Yeah, christopher's nodding his head right now but it really does. It blurs the boundary lines of, like your self-care like what you need to do to be taking care of yourself, and I think it's really important to be conscious of that.

Christopher: 15:11

Yeah, and I think that's one reason why I tell Clin1s to not pick up a shift for the first like six to 12 months. It's because people will be like we're short, we're short, don't you want to pick up?

Colby: 15:26

And that extra money is so tantalizing.

Christopher: 15:28

Yeah, you get extra pay, you get that extra bonus, like it's all this stuff. And I mean there are some that truly appreciate someone who picks up. There are others that are just lazy and will end up putting a lot of work on you because you picked up. I guess you know trying to figure that out is important, but I also think it's just very hard because transplant has been known as transplant tribe. The reason why we call ourselves a tribe is because we're closer than a family, because if you're born, you're just born into it. But as a tribe you get a choice to be accepted and to accept the people and the philosophy of that tribe. Okay, but it still is. It can get toxic yeah, it's very careful.

Colby: 16:20

It's a very hard balance and you have to be very careful. I think using the word tribe might be more healthy than using the word family, but I think you just have to be very careful with that as well yeah, yeah, you had mentioned, um, like kind of getting stuck in that regime of work home, work, home, and it's the same people.

Christopher: 16:48

y'all were still doing all the things, y'all practically lived the same life. Do you think it's because of the amount of people? Or do you think, for example, and the reason why I'm saying that you and I we hang out quite a bit and then we have two other people that are in, like our little close-knit group? Now, granted, you don't work with the three of us.

Colby: 17:13

Right.

Christopher: 17:13

But I work with the two of them. Do you think it's because and we do, well, I feel like we joke around? I think we also have established pretty decent boundaries within the actual workplace that

Colby: 17:26

that's what I was gonna say.

Colby: 17:28

Not to like derail your thought process. But I was gonna say I think I think also you and I come into it with a very, not to say that they don't, because I think they. I think in order for friendships now at this point in our lives need to work, we all have to come into it with a maturity that I personally didn't have at a younger age.

Colby: 17:46

But I think we also have other things going on in our lives outside of work and those friendships where, at the point in my life where I was talking about this, this group of friends that ended up imploding, we didn't really have much else going on in our lives besides work and like what our friend group was doing yeah I appreciate, like our like foursome, that when we hang out because like we don't spend like all of our free time together, Like when we hang out, it's like we hang out like a couple of times a month and it's always fun and but we also we come to the table and we like share what we've been doing and we all come from like kind of we have similar interests obviously otherwise you wouldn't be friends but we all also have different interests.

Colby: 18:30

So like we're catching up on like what so-and-so is doing, what you were doing, what I was doing. I think it's just like a different, it's like just a more mature friendship than I've ever experienced, I think with work friendships at least I think you know, and I have other groups, I have other friends.

Christopher: 18:45

I don't.

Colby: 18:47

Shut up. I have other friends where it's just like I feel like different friends and friend groups fulfill different needs. So, like I also have, there's like a group of girls that I've been friends with for a while who, you know, we, I don't know, I don't know how to explain this, but like girlfriends, are more than just like guy and girlfriends. I guess, I don't know, the ladies will know what I'm talking about. But

Christopher: 19:09

Because I don't.

Colby: 19:11

I feel like different friend groups serve different purposes for me personally.

Christopher: 19:24

Well, that's why you have different friend groups.

Colby: 19:25

Right

Christopher: 19:25

is to serve different purposes,

Colby: 19:26

right, right and so and like they all are still mostly around work, but I just feel, I just feel like I come, come to them with in at a more mature level now and then I just I have other things going in my, going on in my life and I think it's important not to lose those, lose your hobby or like a sport that you like to do or like whatever. I just think it's important to also be a friend to yourself and not let yourself get consumed in others and in other relationships

Christopher: 19:48

as an introvert, I do that very well

Colby: 19:50

yeah, you know yeah like I love being alone.

Christopher: 19:55

Right,

Colby: 19:57

one of my favorite things is be alone

Christopher: 19:59

stay away from me.

Christopher: 20:02

That's funny. It's interesting because now, now that you like, can you remember any of your college friends or, um, maybe even high school friends that you were like I'm gonna going to stay connected with? And maybe you did even through nursing school and then, once you became a nurse, it kind of like just yeah, actually.

Colby: 20:23

So like high school, I still have like my two very best friends that we stay in touch and we talk like every couple of days in a group chat and then. But there's a ton of people that I was friends with in high school that I like trickled out while I was in college and then it's actually pretty crazy, I was, I had a lot of friends in college and I would say that I was very close to and like if they text me right now and was like hey, I'm gonna be in town, would love to see you, I would love to get together with them. But like I it's wild how I, even though I spent four years with these girls and we live together I knew everything about them. I couldn't tell you much about them right now, after I like when I moved I mean we all moved, but like I moved and it's actually really sad and then the pandemic happened.

Colby: 21:11

So it's like that was really crazy.

Colby: 21:13

It was really hard to keep in touch with people and, yeah, I would say like mostly my friends right now are the ones that I made in my adult life at work. And then I still have like my two best friends that I went to high school with, that I'm still close with and I keep connected to.

Christopher: 21:32

I mean I definitely had some friends in college, but like there are definitely, like I still I wish I and I haven't done it in a while and I really need to and I had a friend that I would, I would literally handwrite a letter to and that's how we would stay in contact and we would text each other and be like, hey, be you know, be on the lookout for a letter. But unfortunately that person got married, married has a baby now, and you know like things happen and I'm like I and they are not near us, like in the near four or five states next to us yeah and so writing the letter.

Christopher: 22:10

I would definitely do it again, but that person doesn't have time yeah, you know yeah, and just being conscious of other people's time is important. I in in my mind. I like I never want to make them feel obligated that they have to stay in contact and be a friend for me.

Colby: 22:28

Yeah, but I totally get that as well, right and that goes back to me saying like, sometimes you feel like you were putting in more effort than the other person.

Colby: 22:37

Is not not to say that that person wasn't putting an effort, but you also don't want to make them feel like they need to put in effort when they don't have the time right so it's kind of like two, two different things, but it's very similar and, yeah, I think that's totally fair

Christopher: 22:50

do you think that the like health care troubles for like having to still do a shift after you had somebody code and passed away, or the lack of staff and being spit at and thrown at and all these things Do you think those troubles also hinder friendships, like outside of the health care, like?

Colby: 23:21

yeah, well, like friendships outside of someone else who also works in health care for sure I mean people don't understand the trauma that we go through every day and like I tell people and I tell you know friends, and like they're just looking at you with their jaw on the floor and they can't comprehend.

Colby: 23:35

And it's like sometimes you feel like when you're trying to maintain relationships with people outside of health care, and you you're just like, you just don't get it, like I yeah, yeah, like you just like, yeah, like you can tell them, and like they'll laugh and giggle, but like they'll never understand no on the level as someone else who did it with you right, or has done it in the past.

Colby: 23:57

Yeah, like they'll never understand on the level as someone else who did it with you or has done it in the past.

Colby: 23:59

Like they just they won't and that's good, you know, you don't, you don't want them to. Honestly, my little cousin graduated high school last year and he had gotten into the nursing program and I was like so happy and excited but at the same time I was like I don't want him to have to go through this. So happy and excited, but at the same time I was like I don't want him to have to go through this. And so when he told us this year, like the second semester, that he was switching his major, I was like honestly, I'm not.

Colby: 24:23

He was like so scared to tell my my aunt who's? Also a nurse. I was like, honestly that's, I'm not even mad, I'm not even sad, like I'm a little sad, but like I'm like he made the right choice, like don't do it, not to say that all of you listening who are? Just graduating and listening to this for help, but like sorry that was you'll be fine.

Christopher: 24:47

You'll be fine, you'll be fine. Yeah, as I, I twitch no, but I do.

Colby: 24:55

I do think that I think, like, um, like our friends who just there's some like there's people cut for the cloth, like cut from the same cloth and and you can, it doesn't mean that you need to be cut from the same cloth to be friends. But I do think that they just nobody that nobody that does what we do really understands it. Like it's fun to tell crazy stories and they laugh and whatever. That's always like it's a good time to entertain. But like when you have a hard day and you're like trying to explain, like oh, I had four patients this morning discharged two, got one from the ED, coded another, then got another admission right after I coded and sent that person to the ICU. Thank God they made it.

Colby: 25:36

Then I got another direct admission from home. I didn't know anything about them. There was no notes in the chart, the doctor didn't respond to my page for three hours. The patient was staring at me, like what are we doing here? Like that kind of stress, you don't understand it. And someone, when you're trying to like vent to a friend or a loved one, and they just kind of like give you a blank look.

Colby: 25:56

They're like oh yeah yeah,

Christopher: 25:57

they gloss over

Colby: 25:58

that's yeah, they gloss over eyes dead behind the eyes yeah and it's hard to like.

Colby: 26:06

It's hard to have a relation, to maintain a relationship with someone and be close with someone when they're just, when they just don't get it. You can't relate. Different friend groups serve different purposes they do yeah that's you know, and that's that's that I mean. That's not the friend that you talk about your work stresses with. That's the person that you go shopping with. Sit on the beach with whatever, what have you?

Christopher: 26:34

so and you had mentioned this a little bit you know the whole working night shift and working. We have a weird schedule for friends and I, literally and the whole, we schedule six weeks in like yeah.

Colby: 26:50

Which sounds like that's a lot of time. But like I feel like a lot of time, like scheduling six weeks in advance is so hard because things come up after the schedule is put out and then people are like, can you come to this? And you're like no, I'm working.

Christopher: 27:03

Right.

Colby: 27:04

And they're like well, just get a switch. It's not that easy.

Christopher: 27:07

It's really not.

Colby: 27:08

Well, can you just ask for the day off?

Christopher: 27:10

No, we had to do that eight weeks ago. We had to do that eight weeks ago.

Colby: 27:16

People don't understand. It's not like a regular nine to five where you can just be like, oh sorry, susan, I'm not going to be here until like 12 tomorrow. Like, oh, I'm going to work from home for a couple of hours or I'm going to take a PTO day later this week. It's like we don't have like we have a lot of flexibility in our job, but that's like taking like last minute time short of just calling out job, but that's like taking like last minute time short of just calling out we don't really have that flexibility, right?

Christopher: 27:47

I mean, people say PTO is prepare the others, but like we don't, it goes back to we are a tribe, we are a family, we are co-workers and we don't like a good majority of us do not like letting our team down by calling out if there's absolutely not a dire emergency.

Colby: 28:06

Yeah.

Christopher: 28:07

Or like you're on your deathbed.

Colby: 28:08

I like to call out seasonally

Christopher: 28:10

oh God.

Colby: 28:13

Once for each season. They're mental health days. I never call out when I'm sick, I work sick as a dog.

Christopher: 28:19

I know I heard you.

Colby: 28:21

Also, if you guys listen to the blooper episode, it's embarrassing how many shots there are of me being like sniffing my nose, coughing, sounding like I have no voice. I was so sick this winter.

Colby: 28:33

I worked all of those shifts.

Colby: 28:34

I worked them all.

Colby: 28:37

Put a mask on and I toughed it out,

Christopher: 28:38

and then she tried to get me sick by sitting right next to me.

Colby: 28:40

I wore a mask.

Christopher: 28:41

Oh, you did. Yeah, you're right

Christopher: 28:42

.

Christopher: 28:43

And I didn't get sick.

Colby: 28:45

So masks work.

Christopher: 28:46

With my two white blood cells,

Colby: 28:47

all you anti-maskers yeah.

Christopher: 28:50

And now the segment break hey, hey, hey. So now it's time for Scrub Hacks, which we have done before. In this segment, we'll share quick tips, tricks and little shortcuts that make the life in scrubs a little bit easier. From time-solving tools to ways to stay organized during the craziest shifts, these are the hacks that help keep us going. Let's dive in and find a few ways to make your day run a little smoother.

Colby: 29:16

All right, the scrub hack. Today's scrub hack is for remembering names. On the subject of friendship, when we're making new friends, we're meeting new people at the hospital. How are you remembering names? What's your hack?

Christopher: 29:28

My hack is very simple. I put their name in a notes app and I usually put something that I Immediately.

Christopher: 29:41

Well, no, not no.

Colby: 29:42

I I was like that's kind of rude, you're like what's your name?

Colby: 29:45

got it

Christopher: 29:45

with the sound still on yeah, yeah, looking at the keyboard but then I usually put something they said that kind of like I would remember, for example, when I, when I was at our old apartment, the reason why I learned a lot of their names was because I would be like, oh, has this person's dog.

Colby: 30:08

Honestly. Okay, let me just say this. I'm impressed that you remember the name at the end of the conversation.

Christopher: 30:17

Well, I'm literally saying it over, and that's the thing.

Colby: 30:19

That's another thing you're doing.

Christopher: 30:20

You're saying it over and over in my head, probably not paying attention to what they're trying to say

Colby: 30:25

Because you're trying to remember their name, which, honestly, will go a lot further with someone if you remember their name rather than listening to what they said. See me. On the other hand, I'm terrible at this game. Used to be great, used to remember, I think I. Just my ADHD has gotten so much worse. People will introduce themselves to me and immediately I realized I did not know what their name is Like. They'll be like my name is and it's like blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, like Charlie.

Colby: 30:52

Brown

Colby: 30:54

And I'm like then I start, then I'm listening to what they're saying, but I already know that I don't remember their name. So then I start like panicking I don't know their name. Like I just met one of our new, a new neighbor recently. Out on the street I was walking trout, and she came up to me and I know I think she said her name was Lillian, but I think that I could have made that up I know her dog's name, juju.

Colby: 31:14

Oh see, I'll remember a dog's name every time, let's be honest. But when it comes to their owner,

Christopher: 31:20

how does that make sense?

Colby: 31:21

I don't, it doesn't

Christopher: 31:22

Okay,

Colby: 31:22

because I see the dog and I'm like dog

Christopher: 31:24

Juju.

Colby: 31:25

Juju, so when I am more conscious of this. Like she caught me off guard on the street so I was like, oh, oh, yeah, I am that person, but at work I try and say their name back to them.

Christopher: 31:41

Like.

Colby: 31:41

I'll be like hi, I'm Colby. They'll be like hi, I'm Jeff. Jeff, it's so nice to meet you. Then I keep it in my brain or I'm like they're telling me something and at the end of their sentence I say their their name, Like I'll be like OK, samantha, that sounds good. I'll call you back in 15 minutes.

Colby: 31:56

Or they'll say hi, this is Ren, hi, ren, this is I'm Colby. I'm calling from. So I just do like so hard to say their name back, because if I said it back to them, then that's when it sticks in my head. But if I don't say it back, it's gone. Poof, Like a little magic dust, like poof gone.

Christopher: 32:13

I've been told that if you say it three times in the conversation, it's supposed to be able to, like, really cement it.

Colby: 32:19

I'm going to take that away with me. I'm going to put that in my pocket.

Christopher: 32:22

Yeah.

Colby: 32:22

Because maybe I need to say it three times.

Christopher: 32:24

Yeah, that's what I've been told so usually, and if you say it in the actual conversation, it's better than you just saying it in your head.

Colby: 32:30

Yeah, I've gotten to conscious about not remembering people's names that I really am trying so much harder to remember people's names. Yeah, so this was a lot of pressure, this segment break. I'm like what am I doing? I don't never.

Christopher: 32:47

Well, if you have a tip to remember people's names let us know.

Colby: 32:52

Let us know because I need all the help I can get.

Christopher: 32:54

Yeah, I mean I'm meeting people left and right.

Colby: 32:57

Unfortunately, I am as well.

Christopher: 32:58

Yeah.

Colby: 32:59

Fortunately I mean Fortunately I am meeting people left and right.

Christopher: 33:06

Left and right. So we said that we would end this on a positive note. So how does working as a nurse build friendships?

Colby: 33:16

I'm sorry, but if you can't be friends with someone when you're like there's that like classic nursing meme where it was like something about like wiping butt cheeks together, I wish I could remember because it's funny but it's like obvious, like there's no, like you are gonna have some of the funniest, like craziest stories if you're not friends with the people that you work with.

Colby: 33:41

It's impossible, honestly, like they're, you're gonna be, you're gonna have friends or you're gonna have people that you work with that you're not very close with, but like it's impossible to not make at least a couple of friends because we go through so much together on top of everything we just said it could be. Going through all this stuff together can be a negative experience, but then you can also take away some positives and like have some lifelong friendships. One of my very best friends in life was someone I met at this job, and one of them is Christopher, another one she is like I'm like part of her family and I didn't know her from Adam until we started working together by happenstance back in 2017. You and the same sentiment of me saying you spend 12 hours with these people at work like it can become toxic. It can also become something really, really beautiful.

Christopher: 34:31

Yeah, it really can. Yeah, and there's some that, like there's one of our friends that I have introduced to my family and to my best friend we went to a baseball game together and I mean it's really it's because we we share, we share the same trauma, we are very similar and that's the thing you just like. Just like you spend times with your, your, your patients, you, you really you're spending that moment and you're getting to know that person. And I mean things happen, especially if you are working consistently, like Tuesday, wednesday, thursday, or if there's some places that have like a weekend program. You're working Friday, saturday, sunday, saturday, sunday, monday. You know, like those days you're like you're toughing it out and it's you and your crew.

Colby: 35:21

Yeah, it's you and your crew. It really is and, like on most days, I wouldn't have it any other way. I know that I think people who stay in jobs, in the same job for a long time, it's because the people that they work with yeah.

Colby: 35:38

And like you know what you're walking into every day and you know it might be crazy and it might be the day from hell, but the crew that you're working with you're like you look at your assignment sheet and you're like, oh yeah, we're gonna be fine. Like hell, yeah, it's gonna be a good day. Even if it's the worst day, it's gonna be a good day, because you're like, all right, they got my back, I got their back. Like we're gonna giggle about this.

Colby: 36:02

When someone poops on the floor Like we're going to which happens more often than you think Like I'm going to support this person. If you know, we have to code someone. Like I got this person's back, I'm going to cover their patients and make sure that they get off the floor after this so they can just like decompress and put it back together because we have to keep rolling. I know probably too much about some of my co-workers which we've talked about before, and how that can be a positive or a negative, but like sometimes, when you know a lot about someone like you can kind of you have a feeling for, like when they need a second, do they need a friend?

Colby: 36:41

like and the same and the same thing goes both ways. Like your co-workers that you've been working with for years and know you so well that you become close with. Like they know, like I have my friends at work know that I'm terrible. We talk about this all time, but you need to take your 30 minute break. They know I'm so bad about it. Like they'll come up and be like did you have a snack? Like can I sit here and and take the the charge phone so you can go get some food? Like just get off the unit.

Colby: 37:04

Like that is. That's like love, you know. Like that really is love and caring. And it's so beautiful when, when you have these good, positive working relationships and friendships outside of work. Like like tonight I got home from work and I called one of my friends on my walk with my dog and I was just like hey, I just need to like decompress real quick and do a debrief on my day. And she was like hit me, like what happened? And I like told her everything. It was amazing. But that's a friend that is in works in healthcare, she's a nurse, she gets it, she can understand. Whereas, like if I called one of my friends from high school who I love dearly.

Colby: 37:49

They'd be like Whoa, that's crazy, but like I wouldn't get the same satisfaction out of telling them as I, as I do telling a friend who's been in the trenches with me

Christopher: 37:53

Right.

Christopher: 37:53

There's something about shared trauma,

Colby: 37:55

even though that's really bad, but it's, it's legit

Christopher: 37:58

it is yeah, and because the reason why it's legit is because you got through it somehow, or you help somebody get through it, or you know you're noticing somebody needs to get through it and you you have the tools and the the empathy to actually help them through it like yeah it's important.

Christopher: 38:19

I do want to say and I, I'm, I'm gonna pop in the negative real quick and then hop in the positive what changes within your friend group in nursing happened when you went into the charge nurse role.

Colby: 38:41

Oh, like was there a dynamic change in the friendship group.

Christopher: 38:47

Oh, like, like was there a dynamic change in the friendship group, because it not in not in ours, yeah, but in the unit, in particular when I stepped into my role oh yeah, there it changed interesting.

Colby: 38:56

Yeah, um, okay, I'm glad you brought it up.

Colby: 38:58

I really don't feel like there was a change for me personally but I also stepped into the role with already kind of having like a leadership kind of style at work without being in charge, and with that I I think I often had a lot of year, more years of experience, so people would come to me and ask me questions anyways. So then when I was officially in the charge position, it just was kind of a natural progression as far as work and I personally and this could be me completely having blinders on but I didn't notice like a shift in the dynamic of friendships, honestly. But I also I'm like I'm so transparently, like I'm so transparently what's the word I'm looking for? Even not even um, fair, I guess I like, and someone has a complaint about something? Like they can. All they can complain is that I did it fairly.

Colby: 39:59

Like with assignment making like someone wants to complain about, and I've had people come up to me and been like this is not. Like a lot of times the assignment issues that I have are with the techs. And then I explain what I did and they're like, oh OK, like I'm really making it fair, Like sometimes they're like, oh, I have a patient in the front and in it's literally every single one of them is a total care. That's why you have a patient on the other side of the unit. And then they're like, oh, okay. So I think situations like that, if anything, I am so transparent, I am so fair that as far as me being in charge, I don't really feel like there was a change. But then also, at the same time that I started being in charge, some of my friends were also getting like getting put into training, into being in charge, like I definitely was the first one, but then they were like pretty soon following me.

Colby: 40:57

So I feel like maybe that's why I didn't see like a big change in the dynamic, because while I was doing charge when I was working, they were doing it while they were working um,

Christopher: 41:06

yeah, no, I mean it's just interesting because

Colby: 41:09

what was your experience I?

Christopher: 41:10

mean it wasn't like drastic, but you can just tell some people like to toe the line to see if I'm gonna be a friend or and we joke about it all the time they're like, is this ANM Christopher's hat or is this friend Christopher's hat?

Colby: 41:26

You know that's a difficult, it is difficult, it's a difficult line.

Christopher: 41:31

And there are times where I'm like friend Christopher's is going to be like nah, you can't do that. Yeah. And then ANM's going to be like but you got to and I've said that too.

Colby: 41:43

Yeah.

Christopher: 41:43

Because there are. I do remember when I was on the floor and I didn't want to do things, that was said. But you've got to do it.

Colby: 41:55

Yeah, I mean ultimately it's like that's your job.

Christopher: 42:00

Yeah.

Colby: 42:01

Ultimately, that's your job.

Christopher: 42:02

And other duties as assigned, but

Colby: 42:11

that clause gets me every time.

Christopher: 42:12

I mean, I just I just looked at it the today and I was like that's a good one, but yeah, so I I wanted to talk about this in the last episode and we didn't get to.

Christopher: 42:21

Okay, give, let's give the listeners a brief synopsis of how we became friends

Colby: 42:30

well, we worked together, which we've touched on already yeah and christopher well, I don't want to be friends with anybody didn't want to be friends with anybody, anybody, and our units became one yep and I would say we, we started being friends. But it was pretty casual. Um, we, we. I forced him to be my friend because I was like I really like this guy and I want him to be my friend, and so we were at it, we were. It was an outing outside of work at another co-worker's house and Christopher said I just chatted his ear off.

Christopher: 43:08

Oh my God.

Colby: 43:09

He said I wouldn't stop talking.

Christopher: 43:11

Bleeding.

Colby: 43:12

Bleeding!!

Colby: 43:13

That's dramatic.

Colby: 43:14

But I can talk. So that's what happened. I accosted Christopher with my words and I would not stop talking at him because I was like I want this guy to be my friend. I really like him. He's cool. And that's what happens when I meet people that I like. I just won't shut up because I'm like I want you to be my friend.

Christopher: 43:31

Which is hilarious, because I am so introverted and I'm like why is this person talking my ear off?

Colby: 43:39

And then, okay, so like then I, then he moved. Well then, I think I left before you left, or did you leave to go to transplant first?

Christopher: 43:48

No, you left first.

Colby: 43:49

Okay, so I left the job first and I went to travel, and then Christopher went to transplant, and then at some point I moved in with one of our friends and we lived across the hall from each other, me and Christopher and it was me, one of our friends, who also works with us.

Christopher: 44:06

The apartment landing.

Colby: 44:08

Yeah, the apartment landing. We lived across the hall from each other and it was game over after that, really Like he couldn't escape me. So once we figured that out, it was like what are you doing? What you doing? Are you off? You want to come hang out? I threw a christmas party.

Colby: 44:25

This one really broke my heart, guys I threw a christmas party, and christopher is vegan, and so I made vegan food oh boy and then last minute christopher didn't come, okay, and that broke my heart, but I didn't tell him that until recently. How much that actually hurt my feelings yeah, I felt really bad I made him um vegan blondies and then I brought them to him and he ate them all and they had espresso dark chocolate.

Christopher: 44:49

They were so good, they were so good.

Colby: 44:52

I I have this bad issue of if it's in front of me, I'm gonna eat it he ate the whole pan and I was like, yeah, imagine how good they would have been warm yesterday at my christmas party

Christopher: 45:02

she tried to play on the guilt and I just was like they're still good, it doesn't matter.

Colby: 45:06

Yeah, not knowing that I was heartbroken, I was like I went and I bought all this vegan food for Christopher and he didn't even come to my party, but I didn't let that get me down.

Christopher: 45:20

I persevered. Okay, I appreciate that, and now he's one of my very best friends.

Colby: 45:24

yes, yes and now we have this podcast together. We're raising two dogs together.

Colby: 45:32

Together but separate

Christopher: 45:36

yes, together BUT separate.

Christopher: 45:38

We need to emphasize

Colby: 45:40

he always got uncomfortable because him and our other friend, or sorry me and our other friend, sorry me and our other friend we would always say, yeah, we live with Christopher. He'd be like, no, we don't live together. We're like, yeah, we live together, we have the same apartment, All three of us live together. We're roommates actually. And he'd be like we don't live together. He'd be like stop saying that to people.

Christopher: 46:00

You know, I have to make sure my game stays strong people.

Colby: 46:05

You know I have to make sure my game stays strong. We were definitely blocking um, and now we just moved to the same apartment complex again. We don't live across the hall from each other anymore. We live a few buildings away, but it does not stop me

Christopher: 46:17

it's officially like.

Christopher: 46:18

It was one of those things where I I was like, well, I I was okay with where I was, but Colby was like I'm leaving. And I was like, yeah, I think I'm going to leave too. She was like, well, where are you going to go?

Colby: 46:29

And I'm like, because, he had to move first. His lease was up. And I was like where are you going?

Christopher: 46:33

I'm like I don't have enough time to figure it out. So you figure out where you're going and I will follow you. And so essentially that's what she found this apartment complex I did. I then applied and moved in, and then she moved in a couple of months after.

Colby: 46:49

Yeah, I did all the heavy lifting on that one, but that's okay.

Christopher: 46:53

Which.

Christopher: 46:53

I appreciate.

Christopher: 46:53

I did come to the tour with this particular one.

Colby: 46:58

I did make him come tour with me. We drove to another one and kind of creeped around.

Christopher: 47:02

We had tour questions and everything.

Colby: 47:04

We did. We had a notes app we reviewed in the car before we went in. We were very serious about it and we fell in love with this one immediately. But we've now gotten multiple friends and coworkers to move into this apartment complex, so we are just we're starting a cult.

Christopher: 47:18

Yeah.

Colby: 47:19

Welcome to our cult.

Christopher: 47:20

Hello, can you imagine the documentary we would have?

Colby: 47:27

But yeah, I think it's so fun getting to live and work with you. It's so fun,

Christopher: 47:38

it is it really is.

Christopher: 47:39

I feel the same way with you. I'm like, yeah, it is fun to work with me. What are you talking?

Christopher: 47:45

about.

Christopher: 47:46

But it's been helpful too because, like we both have dogs and our dogs are friends, yeah.

Colby: 47:56

They're brothers.

Christopher: 47:56

I mean practically.

Colby: 47:58

Not really, but they were raised that way.

Christopher: 47:59

Yeah, which is wild that way, yeah, which is wild. And, um you know, occasionally if I'm like working late, you're able to pick up and like yeah come, she has a key to my place. Yeah, so that I do I don't have to worry about it because, homeboy, I've got to lock myself out yeah, no worries, I got you.

Colby: 48:18

Um, yeah, I mean your dad locked himself out and I ran over with the extra key.

Christopher: 48:23

Right right.

Colby: 48:24

You know it's all good things and and, yeah, and Christopher takes Trout out for me and and we just we have this like great symbiotic relationship. It's amazing.

Christopher: 48:34

Yeah, it's really good.

Colby: 48:35

Yeah.

Christopher: 48:36

I roast her about certain things. She roasts me about working too much.

Colby: 48:44

There's a lot to roast right now. Wait till the next episode.

Christopher: 48:48

Yes, I'm so excited. This was already planned, so this is like destined to happen.

Colby: 48:56

All right, anything else to add on?

Colby: 49:01

friendship.

Christopher: 49:01

No, I think we're good.

Colby: 49:03

Amazing, All right class dismissed. That's a wrap for today's session of Nursing Lyfe 101. We hope you found some useful takeaways to bring back to the floor. Remember, nursing is a lifelong learning journey and we're here with you.

Christopher: 49:15

If you want to connect, find us on Twitter at NurseLyfe101, or on Facebook at NursingLyfe101. And don't forget to subscribe and share with fellow nurses. Until next time, take care of yourselves and keep making a difference out there.